I solemnly swear suffer for severe IAD (Internet Addiction Disorder) and CUD (Caffeine Underdose Disorientation), in short I am a coffeeholic and internet freak... I go to seventh heaven just by the sight or smell of a good cup o' coffee... and I have an obsession...

I want to travel the world and taste all the coffee around the world *smacks head to get back to reality* since that is only a dream for now, at least I would like share my coffee-venture.. hopefully one day I would be lucky enough to go traveling and coffee hunting around the world.. <3

My entries are not that interesting, some are just my blabberings, but if you want to befriend me, I welcome you. ^^

Dante's CarMach - Dante's Cafe Mocha - Bengawan's Brandy Mocha & The Ultimate (need enough supply before working)

While working: Nescafe's Original Coffee - Capucini's Chocolate Cofee - another Bengawan's Brandy Mocha while working



( ...welcome to my coffee heaven )

'…a new beginning.' That's what I want. I'm desperately in need for a change. An extreme, radical, BANG!

I'm cutting the dead tree branches to let the new buds bloom. Tearing off what has been a part of me for years and keeping it safely in my beloved treasure chest.

..why, I lay my heart down on the floor
I showed you love, you wanted more
but I gave it all away..

This will be my last piece of rubbish 'there' (the other site), this will give you a choice to read or not. My rubbish will no longer be hovering around your universe. I am resigning my position as Queen of Neverland, I no longer want to be queen of a illusion universe. Even Peter Pan can't stay as a child forever, Wendy left him to go back to the real world. So, you better learn to fly, soon. Soon enough.

It breaks me apart to know that this has been hurting the others. The damage has to be controlled as soon as possible, so, let's cut off the dead branches before it kills the whole tree. Let's stop being selfish and save the tree. If it was just about me, I will poison and kill it all, but it's not. I want to save the tree. So, please, let's stop being selfish and lock it all in the treasure chest. Let's start to live.

..I will learn to live before I die
will learn to love and learn to try
not to give it all away..

"It's a good change," said my beloved gay hairdresser, "it's been years already." Actually, he was talking about my hair, but somehow that message could also refer to a different situation. "It's been a long time, you seem happier now." Yes, another reason why you should love your gay friends, they surprisingly understand you. They get to you.

 

She lounged on the sofa with a book in her hand, finding some relaxation after the hard week. Suddenly, her eyes were caught by the sight of that white old coffee on the table. She put down the book, got up and reached for the cup. She fixed her eyes on the cracks around the cup that were carelessly patched. 'This was the cup I broke long time ago,' she recalled.

She poured some coffee in the old cup, but the cup was left half full with the dark fluid seeping through the cracks. No matter how much coffee she poured, the cup stayed half full. No matter how hard she tries to fix it, the cracks are still there. It's a broken coffee cup.

"I broke the cup," she mumbled, "isn't there any way I could fix it? How can I keep all the pieces together? Tell me…"

"…sBux got cute tumblers," said a familiar voice.

All this time it was about fixing the broken cup. Trying so hard to fill the broken cup, just to completely fail. She didn't realize that the old coffee cup has become obsolete. It's time for it to retire. She knows that she likes to collect historical things, but it is merely for collection purpose, no longer usable. She kept the white old coffee cup along with her stamps, coins and antique collections in her dusty treasure chest. As simple as that: '..just get a nice cute tumbler.'

'..time to retire the old coffee cup and get a nice cute tumbler from sBux,' she decided. She might get one of those 'going green' tumblers, just for the sake to get more into the 'Go Green Campaign'. Moreover, sBux gives 50% discount for the Greeners on every 22nd of the month. She'll rest the old coffee cup and get herself a nice cute new tumbler.

Someone once told me.
Tthat you have to choose.
What you win or lose.
You can't have everything.

I believe that whatever we do, where ever we are, who ever we are with, what matters it that it brings you a good influence. If it makes you a better person, then it means we are on the right track. I do realize that we tend to question and feel that life never is enough for us. As humans, we tend to complain and be unsatisfied of what we have.

Don't you take chances.
Might feel the pain.
Just can't let it go.
Just trying to play my role.

I do believe that in this thing called "living", there is no such thing perfection, no such thing as total happiness, no such thing as a fairy tale. All that is subject to adjustments and compromising. In this thing called "living" you can't have everything.

So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge.
My feet run out of ground.

I often hear people say to me, "You are so lucky." Usually they refer to me having the opportunity to have a great job, a good family, loving friends and always seem to have a great time everywhere I go. Somehow that always leaves me with an amused chuckle. Yes, I do view myself as a lucky person, but no, my life isn't perfect. If it was, why am I still awake at 4am in the morning? Yes, I have my own worries, sorrows and fears. I can make super long list of complaints and dissatisfactions, if I want. Mine would be way longer than yours, since I naturally love to blabber. *lol*

I can't stand by the side.
And watch this life pass me by.
So unhappy, but safe as could be.

However, I believe that in this imperfect life we should always try to see the best out of every situation. We need direct our own spotlight to the good things we have. We are the director of our own little movie in life and we are the ones who choose which aspect to emphasize and visualize. It is our choice what genre we want to specialize in, romance, comedy, action, thriller, suspense or maybe even angst. We are how we view ourselves. So, choose how we want the screenplay to be and say: "…lights, camera, action!"

I gotta find my place, I wanna hear my sound.
Don't care about all the pain in front of me.
Cause I'm just trying to be happy.
Just wanna be happy.

Maybe no one will say that I'm totally happy, maybe I will never be. I don't feel it is fair to blame me for not able to be "totally happy". I direct my spotlight to all the luck and blessings I received. I decided that those dark gloomy little ghosts and skeletons of mine shouldn't play the lead role in my movie. What I know is that at this very moment, I feel very satisfied of this imperfect thing called "living". I'm glad with all the chances I got, the changes I made and where I am heading. Most of all, I'm very grateful to know the people around me. Yes, I dare to say, I am (imperfectly) happy. *big wide smile*

~blabbers~

Gosh.. It's been a while since my last note in this genre. I've been giving those little ghosts and skeletons too much chances too much dialogues.

Once again she strolled through the graves, approaching to that very familiar. Days have past. Months. Years. She felt a sudden cold breeze and noticed the presence behind her.

She sighed, "why are you still here?"

'I'm trying, but I can't let go,' said the spirit, as expected.

She leaned her tired back to the old oak tree. She has no more will power to go through this again. It's a discussion in vain, with no conclusion. The seasons have changed, yet the spirit hasn't moved anywhere. Try harder, try harder. It's been too long. Was she being too lenient? Did she not make her point clear enough? Or is the spirit purposely haunting her?

"What do you want?" she asked in frustration.

'I want you to finally be happy,' the spirit looked at her with sad eyes.

"How do you expect me to that when I know you are still stuck here?" She knows what the spirit will answer. She knows too well. It's been too long. The spirit is not at all concerning her, it is merely the wish of the spirit. The spirit finds comfort in where it is, the spirit has a will to stay, so she will respect that. However, she fulfilled her obligations as the Graveyard Guard and leaving the bag of skeletons behind. She no longer allows herself to be haunted.

Beyond the grey shadows she sees stronger shades of color. The small spark of hope she found that day, hasn't died. Slowly but sure, she regains everything that has been lost. Slowly but sure, she will be able to see colors, not just the shades of grey around her. Slowly but sure, she will be able to feel the light.

-----

Leaving her title as Lady Angst, continuation of her previous Learning the Dance of the Skeletons scribbling.

"..she's the only one of us who isn't screwed up."

Yes, she hasn't been having any complications in a while. She's been counting her blessings and wondering whether she deserves it. Is merely an illusion, like the ones before..?

An unexpected late night reading brought some things to the surface. Strangely, she never thought that the story will develop this way. And she's glad. She always felt uneasy to open that particular old dusty book, afraid how the story will flow. The earlier chapters always gives her a sharp blow to her weak spot, she was on the verge to not wanting to open the book anymore. She's glad that the author has started to write again and developed a stronger character. Yes, the character will survive and everything will be fine.

"..she's the only one of us who isn't screwed up." Is she..? Her late night reading made her take a glance to the shelf in the restricted area in the dark corner of her library. She doesn’t like to go to that dark dusty corner which gives her an anxious feeling. Then again, she was the one who written all these. An author can't turn her back from her own work. All the discontinued chapters, the ripped off papers, yes, all was her doing. The late night reading, made her realize how much 'screwing up' that has been done. Ranging from one-shots, short stories to epic tales, all was her writing that couldn’t be erased. She had gone through beyond 'screwed up', even before you were starting to get into any complications, she got a head start on it. Maybe she already used up her lifetime-worth of complications.

It would be very heavy reading and hard for people to comprehend. Mostly some stopped to read in the early chapters not able to continue, some even fret by the cover. None has been able to finish reading 'til the end. It won't be easy. It's even hard for the writer herself. "Yes, I dare you to read 'til the last chapter and decode it you can. I dare you."

Every time she reads her fellow writers' work, she sees a pattern, feels a deja vu and silently hoping that 'time' will come soon. "I've been there, done that. And I have overcome all of it. Yet, the only remedy is time." It's sad to see, to know, yet not able to do anything.

Yes, she is an expert in this genre, she has a whole shelf full of these books. No, she can’t afford to get any near of complications no more. It is her time to assist her fellow writers as they assisted her on the aftermath of her complications. She won't be able to hold your fall, but she will be there silently sitting next to you, sipping coffee together in the agonizing silence. She'll be there until the remedy to takes effect and you will be able to write again.


~blabbers~
Here I am breaking my resolution on the 9th day. *another smug and a grin*

It's a puzzle. Scattered pieces.
A game none has ever won.
A riddle none has ever figured out.
A lock none has been able to open.
A maze none has even managed to escape.

"..cupcakey or skully?"
'..in between.'
"..a sigh and a smile?"
'nah.. it's more like a smug and a grin,'
"please, please, please.. lets it be.."
She replies with a smug and a grin.

It's fascinating, how it fascinates her.
Unexpected in every single way.
Beyond her comprehension.
Maybe, just maybe..
There is an answer to every problem.
An antidote for every illness.
A remedy for every pain.
…or maybe not.

'So, hmmm..
I dare you.. Decode if you can.
..and yes, keep 'em coming.'


~blabbers~
Dizzy and drowsy, yet veins craving to touch the keyboard. Yes, yes, I will sleep, now. Nite nite..

One line of a friend's note caught my attention.
How long has it been since I felt 'loose'?
Tense. Cautious. Aware. Careful.
In a world like this, how can I not be?
Is it just me? Me and my twisted mind?
I want to stop.
Over analyzing. Over thinking.
Less complications.
I just want simplicity.

I had a late night conversation with two of my old friends, just the three of us waiting until night falls. I was so simple, so light. There were no tendencies. There were no hidden agendas. It was perfect. Perfectly simple. I want no more complications. I want it light, I want it simple. I want it as naïve as it can be.

I have heavy history. I bring a lot of baggage. I acknowledge that, but I refuse to add more. I want simplicity. Here I am awake at 1 am, while other people are in deep sleep. Recalling my "coffee meeting fiascos" while smiling and sighing. Feeling bitter sweet.

The good, the bad. The crazy, the balanced. The amusing, stern. The mature, the foolish. The surprising, the predictable.

All got too complicated. I drowned myself in further complications. What was I looking for again…? Maybe it's time to stop. Or not...?

I want it as simple as it can be.
Perfectly simple.

 Lifehouse have a new single 'Halfway Gone' from their fifth studio album 'Smoke and Mirrors.' The contemplative tune evokes a relationship on the rocks: "If you want me out, then I'm on my way, cause you're halfway in, but don't take too long, cause I'm halfway gone." The album -- in stores Dec. 8th -- follows Lifehouse's 2007 'Who We Are' and will be available in both a standard, deluxe edition and a two-disc deluxe edition. Be sure to listen to their debut single, 'Halfway Gone,' on AOL Radio's Pop Mix station. 



Love the song! Great job guys!

( Lyrics... )

If I say that I don't miss, I'm lying. I do, I am.

I miss the moments, I miss "Me".

 

"Me" was so familiar..

Every morning used to start the same way.

Waking up. Doing morning rounds of FB patrol.

Getting ready. Rushing to the office.

Elevator queue. Five, fifteen minutes. Depends on luck.

One, two, three attempts with the old finger prints machine.

Morning greetings. Coffee. Toilet runaways.

Pantry Gossip. Never ending photo shots.

Non-quality breakfasts. 10k worth of lunch. Cityloft nights.

Desperate sighs. Boring times. Enthusiasm.

Work. Laugh. Dreams.  I miss the moments.

All four bosses. Miss Gaptek. Partner in Crime.

Eagle Eye. McSilly. Pak RT. Miss Nasi Lemper.

Excel. Work. PPT. Corel. Autocad.

Surveys. Draft. Finalized. Deadlines.

All rings and rhymes so familiarly.

..and now "me" is gone.

 

Needing a redefinition.

I need to know who "me" will be.

Where "me" will go.

What will change, what will stay.

All the same, yet all is different.

Until I find, until I define.

Not daring to tangle into anything. Anyone.

Not wanting everything to tumble down.

Looking a place to lay my anchor.

Trying my best staying awake to chase a dream.

 

Learn to fluttering like a butterfly.

Leaving trails of moments.

Touching heart by heart.

Leaving memories to hatch.

From a caterpillar to a butterfly.

Metamorphosis. We change. People change.

Yet deep inside we are still the same.

I'm learning to let go. Learning to set free.

If it comes back, if you come back. If it stays, if you stay.

Believe that if it's mine to keep. You're mine to keep.

People come and go. Memories fade away. Moments pass.

 

..yet all I can taste is this moment.

All that I need is this moment.

Coz sooner or later it's over.

Everything will be gone and done.

Another day "Me" will change again.

Moments, are all we need. All that matters.

Taste, appreciate, honor. Each moment.

Before you miss, before you need to redefine.

 

Note:

My mind.. Goo Goo Dolls & Denny Duquette's "Moments. That's all you get with the people you love."  (Grey's Anatomy).  In the spirit of missing "me" yet excited to find out how high "me" *could* fly. I'm excited, to chase a dream. Life is bittersweet.. *sigh & smile*

 

I miss my life for the past 1,5 years. I miss my colleagues. I miss our moments. I miss everything. Like I said, it's not a goodbye. Anyway, we're still connected by (the amazing) thing called the Internet (and FB). Somehow I feel that I'm still there with you guys. :)

 

Anyway, for those who said they like my notes, thank you. I heart you. <3 

Desperate for changing, starving for truth.

Just hanging by a moment here with you.

 

Bitter-sweet.

Closest  feeling to "happiness" that I know.

Or maybe even stronger.

It's addictive.

Beautiful, yet violent.

Soothing, yet agonizing.

Warm, yet painful.

I'm addicted.

 

 

 

You just know the time when you love someone without hoping anything in return. It's liberating.

 

Admiration. Inspiration. Love.

All should be free.

I know that everyone craves to be with someone.

I am aware that everyone is longing to be loved.

I understand that everyone wants that warm fuzzy feeling.

No, I'm not saying that I'm not one of them. I am. I do.

 

( Read more... )

crazyfrogleg @ Flickr

I see chapter by chapter passing by, page by page, word by word. Intertwined in the book of life. Sometimes, we feel like putting a bookmark and not wanting to flip the page over. Other times, we would like to rip the page and erase what has happened. Most of the times, we can't wait to skip a few chapters to reach the final conclusion.

 

Yet, it is inevitable. The chapters keep on moving. The pages keep on turning. The author never stops writing until the finale.

 

In some chapters we are the main character, in others we are merely a bystander watching by the line. It's hard to simply watch the scenes, with no power to interfere and change the scenario. Yet, that's how the book goes.

 

Randomly flipping through the chapters….

 

( Read more... )

 

 

Everybody's looking for that something, 
one thing that makes it all complete.. 

"What more are you looking for?" 
People often ask me this question. 
Too picky. A dreamer. Asking for too much. Naive.
Actually, I don't think I'm asking for too much (am I)?
Mr. Thomas More just summarized it in one simple sentence... 

"A friendship like love is warm; a love like friendship is steady." by Thomas More

I found friendship as warm as love. 
Still seeking to find a love as steady as friendship..
..if it does exist. I do believe it exists.
It's just that it's not easy to find.

( Read more... )